You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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