so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
