so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
