I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
