Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
