Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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