can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Ambien. No doubt about it.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
