In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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