in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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