i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
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