ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
