May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was an excessively violent trivia night
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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