if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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