Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
