can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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