How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
