you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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