Old men and throwing up are my life now.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
