remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
