Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
