So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
being pregnant is like rehab
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
