I have demons in me.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
