"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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