Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
last night I used snow as a chaser
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
