Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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