I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
