I heard we made out
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
My hand turned me down
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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