If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
