I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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