I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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