He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
