I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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