ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
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