why im i the only drunk person in the library?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Randomize
