bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
