my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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