I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
soo... how was my night?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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