Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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