After last night, I could never be a politician.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
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Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
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I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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