I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
