Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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