He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
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MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
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I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
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