You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
