yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
