hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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