This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
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