Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
