Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
