I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
