I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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