just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
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She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
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my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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