I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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