You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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