dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
