fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
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