Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
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I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
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Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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