Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize