Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
