Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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