Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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