I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
