i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Couch. On fire.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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