I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
