finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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