she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
