somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
