Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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