the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize