it's too hot outside to masturbate.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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