It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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