Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
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