I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
