She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
