What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
