dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
