Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
