I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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