My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Randomize
